@TheRealAnchovy: Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin, it tastes the same but you know it ain't quite right.
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@SteveSackington: If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?
@weinerdog4life: one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere
@OfficialMizGin: My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.