@ScottLinnen: Drinking this No More Tears shampoo is just making me sadder.
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@BradBroaddus: I've found that nowadays most people don't like holding hands in public. Especially if you don't know them.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Deli counter guy told me bad things happen in 3's after he dropped his phone and bumped his head, so I complained about him to management.
@ShesARealGenius: [Snail Court] Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor? Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time.