@jordan_stratton: *drinking water* Ahh, yes. Surely this single glass will reverse what I did to my body this weekend.
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@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
@EliTerry: "looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points" - commentators on my snowboard run
@delusionaliam: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!