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@BaldyLockzz: * drinks 6 pack of muscle milk *
* checks for abs *
@Only_Fast_Eddie: This hot fudge sundae hasn't killed me so it must be making me stronger.
@JediGigi: Nana said I took too much NyQuil so I laughed at her and then she turned back into a paper clip and jumped into my fave Law & Order episode.
@KentWGraham: My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."
@MeetYourDaddy: Forget waterboarding. You want confessions? Lock the guy in a room with a laptop, a Twitter account and a bottle of whiskey.
@TheIrishJoey: Co-Worker: Can I get a quick word?