@Gooooats: Drive by shootings are just one more example of Americans being too lazy to get out of their cars.
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@pmclellan: Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why should we hire you for our research team?" Me: "I went to the second page on a Google search once."
@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade