@Gooooats: Drive by shootings are just one more example of Americans being too lazy to get out of their cars.
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@Lazer_Cat_: *spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*
@TheRolo: Hey guurl. "Hey there." Feeling lonely tonight? "I have a boyfriend." Why are you talking to me then? "You haven't taken my order yet."
@envydatropic: Christmas decorating 101 - Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations Your move Martha Stewart
@JohnLyonTweets: The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans.