@blaha_Who: Drive me up the wall, so I know you're 4 wheel
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@EndhooS: Fireman: [bursts in] EVERYONE OUT THIS IS NOT A DRILL Me: No its a hose lol [later] Cop: looks like he filled him with water til he exploded
@trevso_electric: Ask your Doctor if Adderall can help you vigorously scrub your floors and alphabetize your clothing instead of studying.
@rockymomax: [having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!