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@just1fool: *Drives by train wreck*
Train wreck:"I have a boyfriend."
@CatLitterGirl: Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
@RobElliottComic: When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON"
*Puts on dragon costume
*Waits in bushes
@PinkCamoTO: There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.
@cowboyjeffkent: Women on twitter tell me my beard is hot
Women in real life tell me where I can find food and shelter .
@tonyhawk: girl at restaurant: "Are you Tony Hawk?" me: "Yes." her: "Why?" I had no idea how to answer.