@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.
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@Ms612: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?
@Quartzjixler: I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks.