@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
@H0TMessBarbie: I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* "Sir, where are the fitting rooms?" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*