@thesulk: Driving isn't about making the moves you want, it's about preventing others from making the moves they want.
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@Vodkantots: The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday.
@lecalabara: Wife: I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching a dirty movie. Me: No. Its just womens tennis.
@fro_vo: [spelling bee] Judge: your word is tennis Me: s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s Judge: Me: Judge: please spell it again i lost count