[driving test] INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns? ME: Volcanoes I: About the test? M: No I: Ok then let's go M: *drives into active volcano*

@Usetobeabastard: Christmas is over, all of the guests have gone home. NO PANTS.

66

@AGreaterMonster: In first grade I pretended I could talk to animals because I thought kids would like me, but then a squirrel attacked Lisa Shapiro.

1

@: a:1:{s:7:"retweet";i:1;}

1

@FlyJ_: NyQuil: Because who doesn't like to dream about your cat turning into your dog and your dog taking you for a walk and picking up your poop.

148

@brennadine: Those magical three words you've been waiting so long to hear. Red, or white?

10

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets