@tinytittays: Driving with me is like being trapped in a tiny karaoke bar that doesn't serve booze and the worst singer won't get off the stage.
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@GlennyRodge: "Do you like Tolstoy?" "Of course. Who doesn't?" "What's your favourite book?" "The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him".
@KateWhineHall: Nothing is better than working out to 80s music. Except listening to 80s music without working out.
@hot_coughy: When a woman says "I can't even tell you how upset I am right now" just wait 3 seconds.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest.