@thentherewasmo: Driving with one hand on top of the steering wheel, because "10 and 2" is 12
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
@Losephine: If you're reading this fortune cookie, I am being held at the Golden Dragon Dumpling Outlet against my will. Send help.
@leshnevsky: - How can you always be such a happy person? - I never argue with people. - That's impossible! - You're right! That's impossible.