@ScottLinnen: Dropped my Ant Farm and now the rug is like the first 30-minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
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@_shellzbellzzz_: Ever look at your frequently used emojis and realize that your two moods are drunk and circus tents?
@FreckleMcPickle: Been married so long it's almost like a first date. Husband is always wondering if he's even gonna make it to 1st base.
@RandomManik: Fool me Once - Shame on You. Fool me Twice- Shame on Me. Fool me Thrice- What are you, a Nigerian Scamster?