@iSmokeJoints: Drug dealers are always late. If your drug dealer is on time, it's the police.
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@neiltyson: Mysteries of #Gravity: Why Bullock's hair, in otherwise convincing zero-G scenes, did not float freely on her head.
@daemonic3: Kangaroo 911: What's your emergency? Kangaroo: I CAN'T FIND MY CHILDREN Kangaroo 911: Did you check your pockets? Kangaroo: Oh nevermind
@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.