@snatch_stache: Drugs don't ruin people's lives, drug tests do.
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@mexinonblonde: I aged about 2 years and counted 14,364 cat hairs on my cashiers blouse at Walmart waiting for her to ring up my groceries.
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.
@UncleDuke1969: Will is weary of fame Will runs away to the woods Will dons a loincloth Will eats bugs & berries Will befriends a bear Will Ferrell
@envydatropic: They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that's why I surround myself with lazy people