@Darlainky: Drunk me tried to tear up all your photos and sober me had to buy a new phone screen.
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@Darlainky: Friend: Get anything for Valentine's Day? Me: Chocolate-covered strawberries and wine. Friend: Did you get him anything? Me: No, I spent all my money on my strawberries and wine.
@Douchekevin: The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie
@GingerHotDish: I want a Viking funeral when I die...complete with sticks, marshmallows and chocolate for the attendees. What? I'm sure that's traditional.