@JessiCanadian: Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheDinky: If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales
@DamienFahey: I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram.
@Carbosly: The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor. I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk.
@PunkHistory: "You gotta keep 'em separated!" -the dude from the Offspring whenever he's doing laundry.