@DeanOkay: Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
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@panmidwest: Friend: you should come over tonight. we're watching 'How to Train Your Dragon 2' Me: Friend: Me: to what? Friend:
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@Jennifergr8: Someone just asked my son what other type of fish do you like then? He replied....chicken. Thank god he is good looking.
@MaryannSaintM: Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I'm too nice of a person to tell you I'm surprised you got laid in the first place.