@dreamthievin: "Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."
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@Clare_innit: It's fun to smudge your lipstick and ruffle your hair before you come out of your bosses office, then give your work colleagues a wink.
@milehighocd: Don't take a shower when you're drunk. The curtain does not support you when you fall. Trust me.
@Burger_Time_: [as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first
@trevso_electric: Ask your Doctor if Adderall can help you vigorously scrub your floors and alphabetize your clothing instead of studying.