@dreamthievin: "Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."
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@Cheeseboy22: Asked my 1st grade students the riddle: What has four fingers and a thumb but is not alive? (A glove.) First response: "My Aunt Lydia."
@IchBin_Rob: [First day as an exterminator] Me: *pointing to giant, dead mouse on floor* He won't be bothering you anymore. Chuck E. Cheese Manager: OH MY GOD
@jellybnbonanza: Him: “Part of having a sense of humor is knowing when to show restraint.” Me: “Yeah, but this is Twitter.”