@dreamthievin: "Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."
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@d_duhwit: Wife*outside bathroom door*:"I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?" Me*pauses knitting*:"Uh, Ya"
@chewlongkok_: Me: C'mon, baby. Just the tip? Her: No! Me: Awww, cmon! Her: No, you're paying the whole bill this time.
@ceejoyner: Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives.