@NouRahif: "Axe" is not going to help you get girls, unless you spray it in their eyes then quickly chloroform them.

@jenstatsky: A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in college.

@TacoStamp1: Damn my stomach is making really weird noises...I'm gonna go ahead and send a donut down there to check things out.

@WarrenHolstein: Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn't breaking news. It's been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone.

@simoncholland: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.