@lovemyboots111: Duct tape can't fix stupidity, but it can muffle it.
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@SteveSuckington: First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a cop] Her: do you come here often? Me: *shoots unarmed black teen*
@Bearslietoo: A good sign that you're not ready for children is if you cut your food with a credit card.
@hmcpherson17: Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.