@NervousJr: Dude, I can't tweet AND know when the light turns green.
I'm pretty, not magical.
@JohnnyCrash5: [Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?
@egg_dog: facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once
@pizza_dragon: Hi kids I'm Keanu Reeves here to tell you that speed is never cool unless you're a professional SWAT member on a bus that's about to blow up
@Lisa_Laughs_: You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific.
@meganamram: I saw Kony kissing Santa Claus