@NervousJr: Dude, I can't tweet AND know when the light turns green.
I'm pretty, not magical.
@Sandrahadenough: Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!!
And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on "COPS"
@yayraptor: interviewer: what is ur weakness?
me: follow up questions
interview: care to elaborate?
me: [quivers with fear]
@TheDjinnTrials: A fortune cookie told me I'd receive an important message soon.
The message in the bottle told me the fortune cookie was poisoned.
@juneohara65: Sound smarter than you are: end words with "eaux" and sentences with "if you will." If you're pissed, "quite frankly" adds a nice touch.
@rpbateman: Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol