@lcspt: Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like George Washington did
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@david8hughes: Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on
@dafloydsta: *tear runs down cheek "Why are all these people dead on the inside?" "Sir, this is a morgue."
@SnizzleFrizzle: What an adorable idea. My coworkers have been writing names on food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yogurt called Debbie.
@just1fool: Coworker:I'll take care if it. *Translation* You're gonna take care of it. You just don't know it yet.