@HeyoShellz: Dude tried to pick me up at the gym but I was like bro I'm dying just let me lay here
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@JohnLyonTweets: No, autocorrect, I'm not "pooping" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it.
@ddsmidt: I want to be in a heavy metal band just so I can scream terrible things at crowds of people and not be accused of having PMS.
@AndrewNadeau0: If you can't think of a word say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
@LindaInDisguise: I hate how Pinterest highlights that some moms make pancakes that look like animals when I can't even make pancakes that look like pancakes.