@jazmasta: Dude, what part of "I don't speak your language" don't you understand?
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@genepompa: Can't believe my dog just ran into Petco and left me in the car with the windows rolled up
@dysalexia: You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook.
@AndyAsAdjective: "How did your *looks down at notes scribbled on hand* favorite sports team do in their *looks down again* sporting contest today?"