@shkeeber: Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could've just gone outside and saved yourself $50.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: My GF's anti aging cream went bad. HOW DOES ANTI AGING CREAM HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE?!
@LionJenkins: Lawyer: Your Honor, this verdict is bullshit. I'm outta here! Judge: Litigator! Lawyer: After a while crocodile.
@ColesTwitt3r: i am fine with my casket + dead body being dug up by grave robbers as long as they do it in the style of an unboxing video
@NotthatAdamWest: Saw a bumper sticker that said 'Jesus is the answer.' Two cars later I saw one that said 'Who farted?' Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.