@sanjanaa: Dude yapping nonstop at the gym just said he works out in the afternoons to avoid people who talk. Is it okay to fling a dumbbell at him?
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@joejwest: [pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues
@TheBigBatman: I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately.
@karencheee: Going to the gym is such a great workout. I never actually enter the building, but the walk there is nice. Sometimes I even walk back.
@FrakkingAwesome: The trick to free lunches is to tell your friend "you get this one, I'll get the next 1" and then never see them again and make new friends.