@IanDouglasTerry: Dude yelled "Fight me like a man" at me, so I held him down and marginalized him for a thousand years.
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@RadBadger: Screw your Twitter Crushes and Twitter Husbands and Twitter Nemeses. I want a Twitter Penguin. I want a pet penguin, but only on Twitter.
@UncleDuke1969: "Make him press 1 again." "Good." "Now, 3 minutes of silence." "He still there?" "Give him 18 minutes of pan flute." - Call Center Training
@Iwriteforcats: [Sunday] God: Finally a day of rest. I could really use a chicken sandwich and a milkshake. *walks up to Chick-fil-A* OH COME ON!!
@EJGomez: LAWYER 1: numbers never lie so I call numbers to the stand LAWYER 2: your honor I call shakiras hips to the stand JUDGE: damn lol