@thetobbie: Dudes, how can we keep track of how long it's been since we've been on a date? I mean, women can just measure their leg hair...
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@fatherofcomedy: I don't like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.
@causticbob: I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point. She turned around and found out I was walking her home.
@huntigula: fun prank: go observe the newborns at the hospital & if someone asks which is yours say "I haven't decided yet" while sobbing uncontrollably