@PopSlapFunk: Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready.
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@yourpencilskirt: No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
@9589smith: Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences. How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
@ohen39: me: *crying* I think I have lost my perception of time doctor: when did it start? me: [reaching for tissue] 6000 years ago