@SirEviscerate: Due to a gypsy curse, I gain weight each time I consume more calories than are burned by my basal metabolic rate plus daily activities.
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@Swishergirl24: The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
@Tmoney68: They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but I'm at Applebee's & have a dead mouse in my pocket that says otherwise.
@sock_holliday: The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history