@Matt_the_1st: Due to an unforeseen error during last night's love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
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@Storminika: Me: 'Why are you going through my phone?' BF: 'Do you have something to hide?' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'
@SequelsWeWant: Legend of Tarzan 2: Tarzan meets other primates. He befriends them all. He teaches them to fight. It's a prequel to Planet of the Apes.
@PlatinumShower: Every time the wife pisses me off, I hollow out her tampons and pack them with strawberry Pop Rocks.