@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
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@Marlebean: Him: Your body is like poetry Me: That's so nice! H: A haiku M:.. H: Little on the top, big in the middle, little on the bottom M: Just stop
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?
@Wames_Jaters: Why are there no owls here? I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters
@BourbonLuv: That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...