@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dubstep4dads: man...im so hungry i could- *i catch eye contact with a horse* "you could what?" *shows his gun* i could.. eat a sandwich "thought so."
@carlyken: [bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT
@ThaJawn: God: *holding a cat by its scruff* WHO MADE THIS? Resentful Angel: I don't know. You didn't? God: NO, it hates me and people Angel: weird
@Mister_Veritas: ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?