@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
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@SatansTongue: *Meninist meeting* WOMEN ARE EVIL- *phone rings* Uhh just a second... *picks up phone* Mom not while I'm doing my club! Yes, pizza tonight.
@Burnam1: Paranormal activity camera 3:33am... Only catches me eating a chicken leg while doing the robot in my underwear.
@causticbob: In Russia, Vladimir Putin has said that the killers of Nemtsov "will be ruthlessly hunted down." He added, "It's cheaper than paying them"