@TheMichaelRock: Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am currently sober.
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@poizngrl: If you are looking for a bad girl, I have been known to shop at the art supply store on days they aren't having a sale...
@TheDreamGhoul: if u think ur house is haunted get a cat. whooshing sound? it's the cat. hear footsteps? def the cat. unseen being devouring your soul? cat.
@KalvinMacleod: My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
@ShittyComedian: The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight.