@TheMichaelRock: Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am currently sober.
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@charliedelta7: If I see you selling weed, I will call the cops.... and report a robbery across town..... then come over and buy some weed. Safety first.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."
@eliyudin: "As a side dish to your burrito would you like all the things that are inside the burrito, again?" - Mexican restaurants
@amishschool: My wife asked what I thought of her new blouse and I used the word "slimming", I explain to the other homeless people.