@TheMichaelRock: Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am currently sober.
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@dafloydsta: [first day working at Viagra] BOSS: We need a new slogan. ME: *sweating* This is really hard. BOSS: You're a goddamn genius, Johnson.
@LionJenkins: Her: Babe! Be careful! The stove is hot! Me winking and leaning on the stove: You're Hot, Baby. 911: What's your emergency?