@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Doctor: "Why is my waiting room empty?" Judge: "I hauled everyone off to court" Doctor: "You're trying my patients"
@UniqueDude2: [2 dead cats on ground] Cat Detective: Curiosity killed them but how…*dies* ~later~ [3 dead cats on ground] Cat Detective II: How di…*dies*
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Why do robbers steal money? Me: So they can buy stuff. 4: Why don’t they just steal the stuff? She’s a criminal mastermind.
@tacsanitchiban: Whenever someone says "let's get weird" my first thought is "I'm already there"