@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
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@girl_a_whirl: Son: Mom Son: Mom Son: Mom Son: Mom OUIJA BOARD: F F S W H A T ??? Son: Have you seen my other shoe?
@TheWoodenslurpy: Did you know that if you drop and break a piece of folk art, it just turns into more folk art?
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I have zero interest in owning a parrot. CLERK: This parrot is 80% off. ME: I will take 4 parrots.
@charliedelta7: My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed.