@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
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@Playing_Dad: If I had a time machine, I would go back to the day we first let my daughter watch SpongeBob SquarePants and just destroy our TV
@WritePlay: god: now to create a universe for man, my most beloved creation lucifer: what if u make like 99.999% of it kill them instantly god: lol ok
@NickBSawyer: *handshake* wow, soft hands! u must've never worked a day in ur life [coming off a 9 hour shift at the Vaseline factory] "u dont know me."