@onion_an: [looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date] "I didn't know birds could climb trees"

@thenamesmikeG: The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I'm cured.

@jasonmustian: Another successful newsletter unsubscribe.

@itsalishababyy: This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear... I'm just fat.

@Leslie_Annie: 8 yr old: mommy, why are you laying on the floor? Me: I just did 438 sit ups. 8: sounds legit. I've taught her well.