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@Midlifecrisis18: (During sex)
Pull my hair!
No! Just the grey ones.
@SarcasticCharm: Drank enough whiskey to talk the husband into a Titanic reenactment. He's laying in the snow and I won't share the picnic table with him.
@QwertyJones3: [first date]
HER: Do you have any hobbies?
ME: Yes! Wait, did you say "hobbits"?
HER: No, hobbies
ME: Oh, then no
@AndrewChamings: In an alternate universe there is only one movie about falling in love, but thousands about swapping faces with John Travolta.
@moose_chocolate: "Carrie" is my favourite movie about how religious faith leads to supernatural mass murder.
@jwoodham: KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger?
NFL: No way, that would be dumb.
KATY PERRY: Oh I'll show you dumb.