@GrantTanaka: During the bank robbery, I was the one who heroically soiled himself & cried in order to incapacitate the robbers with laughter
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@SCbchbum: Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job.
@bugbucket: my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon
@Marlebean: "If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus." What I actually said: "Yes, Claire, you're makeup looks lovely today!"