@lovemydogduck: During the day I don't believe in ghosts, But at night I'm a little bit more open minded
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@gentilecoont: Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
@brendohare: On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him "Have you heard of updog?"
@killazilla: My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can't stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.
@rickygervais: Thinking that you're on speaking terms with God is like finding out you've been playing both parts in an episode of "Catfish"