@DanaJGould: E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
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@WittySassBasket: M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of π Psychiatrist: Is it recurring? Me: Not as far as anyone can tell
@tastefactory: I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.
@BigOlBossman: WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it...