@DanaJGould: E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
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@PaperWash: bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet
@GhostPanther: If I say "last Star Wars" and u say "Actually you mean 3rd Star Wars! It's a prequel!" I'm going to hit u with a fish tank.
@WPLGLocal10: Man arrested after accidentally texting probation officer asking if he had any weed
@CharmandBrains: *Throws all 900 baby items in garbage* *Buys Magic 8 Ball* *Whispers*, This is how we raise you now.