@DanaJGould: E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
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@13spencer: Kevin Hart said that he has turned down roles because the characters were gay, which is weird because I didn't think he knew the word "no."
@brunopieroni: I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office.
@sofarrsogud: KID:Dad what's the difference between a gerbil and a rat DAD WHO IS A MAFIA BOSS:A gerbil sleeps in a cage and a rat sleeps with the fishes
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "So this yearbook isn't your resume?" "No. I'm not a moron. Those are my references. I highlighted all the NEVER CHANGE's."