@ms_woodsy: Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don't have any friends.
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@OfficeofSteve: When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines
@lyric_intent: It doesn't matter how up-to-date your donor card is, the hospital gets really judgey when you drop off a liver unannounced.
@thatUPSdude: I don't believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women. Just joking, I believe in Nessie.
@CharmandBrains: A required corporate training course said to build strong relationships. Also, HR told me it's "inappropriate" to kiss strangers.