@Brentweets: Each one of us has a secret. My secret is that I can't keep a secret. Also Jill is a lesbian.
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@stevevsninjas: Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers
@Reverend_Scott: Don't bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.
@TheTweetOfGod: The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
@ibid78: [therapist] what seems to be the problem? [her] he only hears what he wants to hear. It's awful [me] oh my god yes, I would love a waffle