@UberFacts: Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.
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@KentWGraham: Don’t be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I’m walking the dog.
@elle91: I wish I had the confidence of my mom explaining Instagram to her friend 5 minutes after I told her what Instagram was.
@WilliamAder: Glad I'm not a general, because auto-correct just changed "lunch order" to "launch order."