@UberFacts: Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.
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@daemonic3: [dj voice] "What's up Dad Party!" *dads go nuts* "I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?!?" [dads in unison] DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT
@runolgarun: *TSA officer opens my suitcase, disembodied fist pops out and punches him* me: sry sir I forgot I packed a powerful punch *TSA guns me down*
@CornOnTheGoblin: if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you