@loribuckmajor: Each time my husband yells for the Warriors an angel (me) uses his credit card.
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@KeetPotato: wife: "this is really your idea of an anniversary present?" me: [on the other walkie talkie] "you didn't say over, over"
@Momfia: Remember ladies: when a guy says "I'm listening" what he means is "I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd of been unstoppable".
@bazlyons: They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'
@pondermymaker: Turns out the symptoms for "mild heart attack" are identical to those of "having a RL acquaintance make an appearance in your notifications"