@Rollmaninoz: Each year millions of innocent lives are lost when they accidentally board the wrong plane bound straight for the waiting mouth of a child.
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@cool_as_heck: Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again
@Quartzjixler: Her: Is breakfast almost ready? Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage. Her: Can't we please wait till after breakfast for that?
@k8ieokay: Hey, did you guys know you can do just about anything if you use asterisks? *rides T-Rex off into the sunset*
@FattMernandez: For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell "Oh God! She was pregnant!"