@WheelTod: Early in any job interview be sure to use the phrase "I always give 110%", so you can quickly gauge their tolerance for working with idiots.
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@Matt_The_1st: Marriage, Or as I like to call it; The wonder years Wonder why she is mad this time Wonder why my stuff is on the lawn
@thesulk: When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.
@EtobicokeErnie: Statistics show that married men live a lot longer than single men. However married men are a lot more willing to die.