@ericsshadow: Earth is huge. There must be like 9 or 10 different countries on this thing.
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@samfromks: If you wear a man bun in a dimly lit restaurant and I call you ma'am... That's on you.
@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
@elvisknievil: My plan to reduce shark attacks. Get them hooked on meth. Getting gummed by a toothless shark probably tickles.
@hazelmotes1: *Watches sad movie* Wife: I like happy endings. Me: me too, but you have to tip more. Wife:... Me: twitter would have liked it.