@neiltyson: Earth is indeed bipolar, but it's not a disorder.
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@gigglegirlnoel: Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.
@chrisdowning: Tweet about drinking too much = 50 quick likes Facebook about drinking too much = A phone call from my mom
@INDlAN_: Cop: Lemme see your papers Me: Okay Cop: These are rolling papers Me: Would you look at that Cop: Sir are you high? Me: What are you, a cop?
@leechee420: Accidentally ate the sticker on my apple. This wouldn't have happened if it had been a Snickers.