@idigcrazychics: Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener.
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@truegritrumble: WIFE: What're the kids doing? ME: Playing lawn darts. W: Is it safe? M: Hope not. W: M: W: Wtf M: Can't afford to send both to college, Jen
@PajamaBen_: You know what I really like about you, girl? You're really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha
@brynnester: I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed "I am your Father" Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end
@abbycohenwl: [Founding Fathers] -But how do we get court witnesses 2 tell the truth? -They swear on a bible? -Thats stupid -Hey lunch's here -Done[gavel]