@idigcrazychics: Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener.
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@TheJamieLee: Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, "Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."
@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@amberfw: A mom sat down next to me at the park, smiled and asked, "Which one's yours?" I replied, "None of them... yet."
@ilovepie84: My neighbor once said he was as healthy as a horse. Today he broke his leg so I had to put him down.