@dance_blessed: Eat 70,000 small meals each day to keep your metabolism going strong.
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@rkatz94: Me: I'll have a scotch on the rocks with a twist Bartender slides drink "Your dad's alive. He's hiding in Cuba" M: Did NOT see that coming
@XplodingUnicorn: Sometimes I wonder how such beautiful kids can really be mine. Then my 4-year-old opens a door and runs into the door frame. Then I know.
@JerseyRambo: You know you're watching Star Wars with Catholics when every time you hear "May the Force be with you," you hear, "And also with you."