@dance_blessed: Eat 70,000 small meals each day to keep your metabolism going strong.
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@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father
@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over
@LoveNLunchmeat: You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.