@markleggett: Eat for free at any restaurant by disguising yourself as a trash can.
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@PyrBliss: Never knew why pajama tops had pockets on them, but I just filled mine up with cookies to bring back to bed and now it makes complete sense.
@AKackley: Me : I wanna go home Boss: where's your dedication? Me : I left it at home can I go get it ?
@TheHeartlessBoy: Congrats to Lindsay Lohan for successfully portraying what happens to mean girls after high school.
@Carbosly: The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor. I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk.