@markleggett: Eat for free at any restaurant by disguising yourself as a trash can.
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@AnkCoupleTO: If you drop your pants for a "surprise checkup" and hear your doctor's belt buckle hit the floor, you should probably head for the hills
@erikbransteen: The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that
@notalogin: Headline: "Female-named hurricanes kill more than male hurricanes because people don't respect them, study finds". AKA, "My eye is up here".
@amselts: After the machine uprising, robots in the club will dance "The Human" by compulsively overeating and playing with their phones on the toilet